The prevailing wisdom is that “relationships take work.” I agree, but it’s got to be the right kind of work. It should be the work of learning to communicate better, to understand and hear each other — and not the work of endless cycles of attack and defense. And it shouldn’t be nothing but work: you should also be having so much fun with each other.
Sometimes what throws couples off-track from connection is just the day-to-day. Little things build up over time to become resentments, pain, and confusion.
How well do you communicate during disagreements?
Are you helping each other out with daily tasks?
Do you let minor irritations get in the way of respect and enjoyment of your partner?
Sometimes a point of crisis comes up out of nowhere, and brings everything into question.
Infidelity and secrets can shatter trust. An impasse on major life choices — whether to have kids, whether to get married — can seem insurmountable.
I draw from a couples-therapy approach, Gottman Method Couples Therapy, that can help couples move through big and small issues by teaching communication skills, strengthening friendship, and bridging distance.
Learn how to stay positive toward your partner, even when you disagree with each other. Practice respectful communication styles to get you through even the hardest of discussions. Remind yourselves of all the reasons why you chose each other in the first place.
And have sex!
As a mind-body-focused sex therapist, I can talk you through the steps toward finding your lost libido and reconnecting sexually with yourself and your partner.